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I was just looking for another ecard to send to an "ex" online; of course, it was for their birthday, which would happen to fall on the thirteenth~~ but, anyway, got confused by a general "weird stuff" website, on which there was on obnoxious-looking eye "oracle" ~~ Anyway, I actually looked into the eye, and thought about my confusion w/ a couple of people that I know..
Neediness.. Narcisism mixed with borderline?? Borderline= the lack of a personal identity.. Narcisism, it just means that it's all about YOU!! (Which in the case of a true clinical narcisist, they wouldn't think of as wrong, or see as unusual, 'cause if they think about the beings of others at all (which some clever narcisists do), they still assume that others, at their best, would think exactly like themselves)~
Anyway, the oracle at first came up with, "The oracle knows you're not trying," and so, as instructed, looked into its eye, and then when moving away, it said,
"Lonely is he who does not see life's fulfillment around him."
Which is true if (admittedly like me) you have a full life but you're still putting an undue amount of stress onto the thoughts of these particular people.
And (coincidentally, or not so coincidentally) this quote would, actually, apply very well to the one (or two or three individuals) who all of my angst - ing was about ~ They certainly can't seem to see all of the fullness, all of the amazing- ness of the life that lies around them, because they're too concerned about their jobs or their work or their personal angst!!
And they're amazing!
Is there anything particularly co - dependent about me, that I've tended to be attracted to these proverbial Hamlets, who can't seem to be in a world where they're not, basically, stressing themselves to death over something (at least I find ways to take my weakness out!!)
I once acted in a Chekhov play (Ivanov, as "Sasha") where she says that "every woman dreams of having an active love," meaning, that (also in her words) "every woman would rather be with a man who is a failure than a man who is a success" because in such a case you never stop playing it out!! But I find it draining. I would prefer to have my own life!!
And, besides, any particularly literate play afficienado knows about what happened to Ophelia!!
(the character of "Sasha," in "Ivanov," just pretty much wound up losing interest in the guy)
But it isn't even sexuality (although, I must admit that it's playing a part in my crisis right now!! It can do wonders for clarity, and wonders for easing the diversions of one's own head.
At least a couple of these people (and, I mean in their lives, and just in the general sense) just really, really, really need to get laid!!
But not by me.
Well, I guess that (I hope so) maybe one of them does!!
November 14 2005, 23:44:47 UTC 6 years ago
this is what the modern world does to people. we weren't designed to multitask the way we have to these days. we were designed for short bursts of stress (the hunt) followed by long stretches of lying around belching and picking our teeth. people get their priorities screwed up. but it's our brains that do it -- they perceive danger, and they make sure we don't look away from the thing that's stressing us out. "look out! it's a mastodon! for christ's sake, run, it's a goddamn mastodon!"
only it's not a mastodon, it's a missed deadline, or a zit on your nose, and you can't run far enough to get away from that. so you obsess. and you don't take the time to go to the park to smell the corpse flower. or, uh, not.
this is one reason i enjoy cooking so much. i can't worry about anything while i'm cooking, because i'm entirely focused on what i'm doing. and after that, i'm eating delicious food, and how can i worry while i'm eating delicious food? so for a little while, i focus my mind deliberately onto things i find pleasurable. only instead of stopping to smell the roses, i smell the curry.
of course, getting laid wouldn't go amiss either. but i'm trying to avoid that subject because it's too depressing.
why are you attracted to Hamlet? do you harbor secret fantasies of making him see the light? does the miasma of stress hormones and testosterone make you hot? are they intense? do you hope they'll be that intense about you? do you hang out at bars right near the NYSE?
November 16 2005, 07:29:06 UTC 6 years ago
Yes; the miasma of stress hormones and (estrogen or testosterone) may indeed make me hot!!
But however, I do find that when I can get involved with someone who's naturally more relaxed (read: relaxed, not dead (this is to say, not apathetic or boring!!) than it does tend to go better (i.e, more smoothly).. They can be intense.. I would prefer that nobody feel the kind of intensity that does not make them happy, over me.. Not that kind of sadness~ But, at least, I guess, it means that they care about something!! I guess that they feel an unhappy kind of stress, and I certainly wouldn't want to be the cause of that..
I do like the feeling of being cared about, though
Unfortunately, "seeing the light" sounds too much like an ending and not a part of a continuing plot.
umm, I live in New York, but, umm, where's the NYSE??
?
November 16 2005, 08:25:48 UTC 6 years ago
beats me. maybe Google knows.
it's emotional unavailability that gets me every time. that wonderful blank slate onto which i can project all my unrealistic fantasies... pure poison.
what i need is to figure out where you go to meet well-rounded, emotionally available geniuses who are more macho than i am but don't suffer from testosterone poisoning, are very secure in their manhood, are absolutely certain they don't want children, and have really great hair.
it's not so much to ask, is it? *cough*